You've got Time
by Interface
Summary: River Song is beginning her sentence in Litchfield correctional facility. It's a journey that Storm Cage simply didn't prepare her for. Rated T for now, but lets face it, this is OITNB. It's going to be a rough ride.
1. Chapter 1: Arriving in Litchfield

I just had this crazy idea that it would be fun to throw River into oitnb and see what came of it seeing as she's already a prison bird herself. If you're a reader of my other current writing ventures then there should be some updates this week. I'm back on the writing wagon. I'm going to see how well received this idea is and then we can roll on from there, let me know what you think - I'll leave this up for a while before I post more.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Arriving in Litchfield **

"Don't worry, time will pass quickly" River breathed in deeply the scent of the Doctor's tweed jacket as he attempted unnecessarily to reassure her.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," she grumbled scrunching up fistfuls of tweed in her fists, unwilling to release him from their embrace just yet.

"It's a goodwill gesture, you did take over the Whitehouse using your lipstick and a hairpin…"

"I was bored," River groaned, "You didn't show up for our date and…"

"Inmate! That's enough touching"

"You said I could have one last hug, you didn't say how long it could last" She felt the Doctor obeying the strict female guard, his hold on her loosened as he took a step back. He grinned at her, his goofy, floppy haired, green eyed, childish, happy grin. "You'd better come and visit me," she warned him, "And don't forget to post that cheque, as if you need money in here… It sounds nothing like Storm Cage…"

"You'll be fine," the Time Lord laid a gentle kiss against her lips to hush her. He frowned as they parted and ran his tongue along the red tint she'd left laced across his lips. He moved the taste around his mouth, "River… You can't take hallucinogenic lipstick into prison with you"

"I don't know what you're talking about," her tone teased him, "Bye Sweetie" She turned from his smile, hearing a small chuckle escape him. River allowed herself to be lead into processing by the bulldog-like guard, whose nametag read 'Wanda'. The Doctor stood for long few moments after his wife vanished from sight. He wanted to be selfish and take the shortcut to the end of River's sentence. However his impatience often got him into trouble, and besides, her cheque needed to be posted and he was certain that the prison phones would be incapable of dialling the Tardis' number. Even if River could call the Tardis the charges would be out of this world. The Doctor sighed, pulling the envelope with River's cheque out of his pocket. He would be unable to be there for her in person every day, he would be unable to sneak her out at night as he'd done when she'd been in Storm Cage; but he would do his best to take care of her in every way available to him. With that final thought he turned on his heel and strode out of the correctional facility. At the gates, stood on the street corner was his faithful Tardis. He'd already decided that after running the necessary errands he would return the Tardis to this very same street corner and remain there until River was released.

River looked down at the inmate ID card pinned to her orange attire; she was actually very pleased with the picture. When she'd been imprisoned in the Storm Cage facility they hadn't even told her to be ready, which had resulted in the picture being one of her in mid-sentence looking completely unattractive. She hugged her bedding and pillow to her chest as she followed another new inmate towards the awaiting van. Processing had been a small ordeal, River was by no means shy about taking her clothes off, but having to squat and cough in front of a butch looking prison guard called Wanda was just, god awful. Her mind wandered to the Doctor as she took up a seat in the back of the prison van. She wasn't entirely sure that she trusted him to ensure that she had funds while inside the prison. River cringed, she should have just done it herself, why hadn't she just done it herself?

"You okay there hon?" the broad New York accent broke the silence making River jump slightly. It came from the driver of the van, a beautiful little dark haired woman with a pair of sunglasses propped up on her head and red lipstick that River instantly approved of. She wore beige prison attire under a brown yard jacket exactly like the one River currently wore.

"Yes, I am. Thank you"

"Ah, British. Oh you'll do just fine in here hon, we could listen to Brit accents all day long. What's ya name? We only use last names here, I'm Morello. That there's Parker and Stevens" She pointed to the inmates that had arrived with River.

"Song. You drive the van?"

Morello laughed at River's naivety though not in a condescending fashion, her smile was infectious, River couldn't help but return it as the woman said, "Well no one else is gunna do it. We do everything around here"

"Alright Morella, quit running your mouth and hit the gas" The guard escorting them took up his position in the passenger seat and pulled the door shut swiftly. Morello raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows at River before turning in her seat and starting up the van with a delicate twist of the key.

The journey was a short one, a simple trek across the complex which made up Litchfield correctional facility. River barely even had time to daydream about all the adventures the Doctor had probably already gone on without her, he was an impatient soul like that. Morello led the small troop of arrivals up a small path towards an alarmed door, she scanned a card against the reader beside it and waited patiently, hand on the handle for the buzz to grant them entry. River watched her in fascination as she tugged it open and with a wave of her hand insisted that they enter ahead of her. Inside there was just a swarm of beige clad women, none of which looked in the slightest bit friendly, all of whom looked as though they were in there for murder. River Song had been in the universes largest and most dangerous prison; and she had actually been inside for murder, though this had been a fake murder. No one needed to know that she hadn't really killed her husband in cold blood, but that didn't mean she couldn't use it to her advantage. So, instead of looking timid and intimidated by the sneers and the glares, she simply smirked back at the hardened prison women. She was absolutely certain that she was rubbing a few of them up the wrong way, but River Song was an assassin, trained by the movement of the Silence; the last thing she was, was afraid.

"Alright Song, here's where you're at. You'll get assigned before you know it; then you can get outta that orange. Kinda suits you though," Morello gave River a cheeky earnest smile, "Oh, I almost forgot" she rummaged around in the deep pockets of her yard jacket. River looked down at the plastic wrapped toothbrush and soap she was being offered, "We look after our own, yanno what I mean? I'll see you real soon okay, take some time to settle in. It can be a little strange at first, but relax, this is home now. We're all family here"

With that said, Morello turned and left to show the remaining arrivals to their rooms. River slowly turned on the spot to face the three unfriendly faces staring at her. She sighed, clutching her new belongings tightly to her chest still. Her eyes flickered to the one remaining bunk bed underneath a rather agitated and bushy haired woman. She didn't instantly move towards what she assumed would be her bed for the night. The one thing River was accustomed to, was prison etiquette; and that involved waiting for the already housed prisoners to grant you permission to take a bunk. The glares didn't faze her as she stood and waited patiently.

"You've done this gig before huh Song?" An older woman laying on an adjacent bottom bunk addressed River at last.

"For most of my life"

"Well aren't you gunna just fit right in? Your bunk is there under Nichols. Don't mind her, she's only just got out of solitary" River eyed the bushy haired Nichols perched up on the bed above hers, staring blankly at the wall, "Your time will be over before you know it Song"

"Time, is what I have the most of in this world," River smirked to herself as she threw her belongings down onto the stark mattress. Perhaps this women's prison thing wouldn't be so bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2: What are you in for?

**Chapter 2: What are you in for?**

There were a few brief moments that morning when she awoke that River Song forgot that she was now a full time prison occupant. She smiled lazily to herself, thoughts of her Time Lord husband swirled dazedly through her mind. All the adventures she'd had with him, all the adventures that she was yet to have with him. Almost as soon as the daydream had sailed past she realised that the pillow wasn't as fluffy as the one on board the Tardis, and the mattress was incredibly lumpy. River rolled her head to the side, only to be greeted by the bushy unkempt hair of her bunk mate, Nichols, "Hey uh, Song right? Rise and shine, it's shower time" River stared into the wide eyes of Nichols for a moment, "So uh, what you in for anyway?" The inmate backed away a little to give River room to clamber out of her bunk.

"Now there's a question," River smirked gathering some clean underwear to take with her. She never did respond to Nichols' question as the scruffy looking woman gave her the grand tour of the unsanitary shower area. The floors were slippery with grime, the showers were divided by mounted plastic sheets that did not look adequate. Some shower cubicles didn't even have a filthy curtain to block the occupants from view, but the women in the prison didn't seem coy, they strode around wearing nothing but their sneering smiles. This was an experience that River had never met during her stint in prison for murder; but River Song was a survivor, and survive was what she intended to do. If that meant she'd have to shower and walk around naked in front of the other women, then so be it.

"'ey! Morello, get your ass over 'ere and meet Song" River's eyes followed the direction in which Nichols was looking. Stark naked, about three cubicles away from them, was the woman who had driven the prison van the previous day. She grabbed her towel which she'd thrown over the flimsy partition and wrapped it around her soaked body.

"We met yesterday," her accent was as broad as ever, "You settling in okay? The first night is always the worst"

"Song has been inside before, ain't that right?" Nichols folded her arms and stared now at the surprised new comer, "Don't act shocked, we all heard the old lady talkin' to you when you arrived" Morello wrung her hands excitably and edged closer, her voice dropped to a loud whisper.

"Oh my god, what were you inside for before?"

River smirked, her all-knowing smirk, "I was in a high security prison, because I killed a man"

"Just one? Or did you go bat shit crazy on a rampage?"

"Nicky!" Morello snapped, "Did you know the guy or…?"

"Oh," River's eyes glazed over slightly, "Do I know that man… I _married_ that man"

"You married a dead guy?"

River met Nichols' wide eyes, they were hungry for more of the story. She suddenly realised how odd the tale would sound to human ears and whispered very firmly, "It's complicated"

* * *

"But I have to get this cheque sorted out, what if she has no money?" The Doctor waved his hands about in his wild, creative way. He looked wilfully down at the startled woman behind the desk before him.

"Sir, I've told you three times now, I cannot process a cheque for someone who isn't in jail yet"

"But she will be in jail," he protested meekly, "She's going to be in there in two weeks. I took her there myself" At this statement the woman raised one suspicious eyebrow. She leaned, ever so slowly towards her tannoy microphone, with a perfectly manicured finger she pressed the button.

"_Security to the front desk please"_

"No!" the Doctor tried to dive at the microphone to stop her but firm hands grabbed him and dragged him roughly back towards the doors, "But she has to be able to buy her lipsticks!" He yelled desperately trying to struggle out of his jacket. As his rear bounced on the pavement outside a cold feeling of dread washed over him. What if he never got the cheque processed? River would murder him all over again, for real this time. He wasn't very good at this human stuff, he'd have to post the cheque instead as River had instructed him in the first place; but that could take weeks. He hoped that Earth's shoddy postal system lived up to its reputation and the letter wouldn't arrive too early, he was two weeks ahead of her incarceration after all. Where on the planet was he to purchase a stamp from? His eyes scanned the near empty street around him, he must have landed in the only place on Earth without a post office. A firm male voice chimed from above him.

"Are you alright there lad?"

The Doctor looked up into the aged face of an old gentleman peering down at him. The Doctor's expression was one of utter abandonment, of complete hopelessness. He pointed a sad finger at himself and replied, "I don't have a stamp"

* * *

As they neared River's assigned space, she could see clearly two women laying across one of the beds. The scene was very intimate. She felt like she was walking in on a very private, personal moment. They were holding each other very closely, rubbing noses, sharing small kisses and talking in hushed whispers. River heard Nicky grumble under her breath, _'Ah Jesus'_

"Hey! _Not_ lesbians, clear some space. Vause, your new roomy is here," Nichols threw a rough, heavy arm around River's shoulders and pulled her closer. The two women scrambled to sit up on the bed. River was amused by how guilty the blonde looked as she fixed her hair and avoided eye contact for a few long moments. The dark haired woman on the other hand, looked defiant and proud to be caught snuggled up to her companion, "This here is Song, she's a man killer, so don't fuck with her," She pointed a finger at the dark haired woman who pulled her glasses down from the top of her head to see her accuser better. She stared quizzically at the finger directed at her, "Ya damn right I mean you Vause, no hiring her to kill Chapman's puppy dog fiancé a'right?"

Vause raised her hands in mock surrender, "You got me," she offered a hand out to River, "I'm Alex, Alex Vause," she thumbed to the still awkward looking blonde beauty sat up beside her, "And this is, Piper Chapman" The hand shake, was a firm one. River glanced down at their joined hands not quite certain that this wasn't a subtle attempt at a warning. She looked back up into the quite serious face of Alex Vause, "We're in for being part of an international drug smuggling ring. We-" she paused for a moment before correcting herself, "-I, did some pretty shitty stuff. Piper, got caught up in it all; though I don't remember holding a gun to her head..."

"River Song"

Alex's face cracked into a smile, "River Song…" she sniggered, "Please tell me that you're locked up for having that name"

The Time Traveller couldn't stop the grin that stretched across her lips, she dropped her bag of belongings onto the free bed before turning back to address Vause, "I'm locked up, for breaking into the White House and running office for three days straight"

"Why aren't you in max? They take shit like that seriously. No way would they have locked you up in Litchfield"

"Oh I'm not here because I got caught. I would never have been caught. I'm here as a goodwill gesture. An apology; because my husband is just slightly more honest than I am"

"He got the guilt's and you came to jail. Wow, real catch you got there" River's eyes narrowed on her new bunk mate, only by a millimetre and only for a second, but long enough to send the silent threatening message of 'Back off'.

"Whoa, back it up a sec Song," Nichols scratched her head, "I thought you murdered your husband…"

All eyes turned to River, who sighed and rolled her eyes in exasperation. This was going to be the longest prison sentence of her life.

* * *

"Excellent," The Doctor held the receipt up to mockingly check its authenticity.

"It'll be ready for her to access the minute she goes inside"

The Time Lord grinned widely at his saviour. The gentlemen who had so kindly stopped in the street to help him was in fact, Lawyer Harold Bloom. Having been patient enough to hear the Doctor's tale, and having had a cheeky trip in the Tardis, he had agreed to order that the cheque be processed early and credited to an account in River Song's name. The Doctor flung his arms around the surprised man and squeezed him tightly, "You're a good man. Thank you, thank you. I'm, forever, grateful. From the bottom of my hearts, I'm so grateful"

* * *

"No, no, no," Nicky Nichols crossed her legs on River's new bed and pushed her unkempt hair back, "You either killed him before or after you married him, there ain't none of this, oh it happened at the same time crap"

For the fifth time River groaned from her seat at the end of the bed, "It _did_ happen at the same time!"

"It's not the kind of wedding I'd have picked I gotta admit, but there's something kinda romantic about gettin' hitched at the top of a pyramid," Morello piped up from where she stood leaning over the small wall that enclosed the sleeping area. Nicky frowned and turned sharply to stare at the crazy wedding planner, "What? I might actually be tempted if I thought I could get a pyramid for me and Christopher"

"Morello, she straight up killed the guy, you gunna be hacking away at Christopher after the 'I do's'?"

"Well, no, but I-"

"Exactly, now pipe down"

In the background Alex had been slowly unpacking River's belongings into the bunk, arranging them on the top of the cabinet, and on the little shelves inside it, "Whoa, you snuck in contraband?" she waved around River's hallucinogenic lipstick like a magic wand. Morello practically squealed with delight as Alex tossed it to her over River's head.

"I just adore lipstick," the petite New Yorker explained as she tugged the top off, "Ohh! It's my favourite shade! You mind Song?" Before River could protest Morello was wearing the Time Traveller's signature shade of red. She cringed as Nicky puckered up towards her favourite inmate. A sharp knot formed in River's stomach as she willed for them not to kiss, every molecule in her body pleaded with the universe not to let this happen - and then they kissed. River saw the change in Nicky immediately, her eyes glazed over, staring off into some imaginary distance, "Nicky…?" Morello finally caught up to what was happening, she prodded Nichols playfully thinking nothing more than that she was being had. Her expression changed when she realised that something was very wrong, she was on the verge of tears as she shook the girl more firmly, "Nicky, you're scaring me" Nicky didn't respond, she just stared in wonder at whatever world the halucinogen was creating for her.

Alex propped her glasses up on top of her head, "Poison in the lipstick right?"

Piper, who had remained quiet and subdued for most of their meeting shot out of her daydream at the mention of poison, "You brought a poison lipstick into prison?" She turned to her _not_ lover in panic, "If Mister Healy gets wind of poison being in here, we knew nothing of this. Oh my god, Alex, I can't get any more time. We need to make this go away, we need to do something, Alex it's fucking poison!"

"It's not poison," River interjected moving swiftly over to Nicky, she crouched low in front of her and began to smudge the red transferred lip marks from around her mouth with a scrunched up paper hanky.

"Am I gunna die?" Morello's voice cut through the agonising silence, her eyes were brimming with tears, she didn't want to touch her reddened lips for fear of enduring the same fate as Nichols. Putting on her best reassuring face, River looked up at the panic stricken woman and replied quite clearly with,

"No you won't die, neither will Nicky. I wear it all the time and I use it all the time. It's hallucinogenic lipstick, it'll wear off"

"Nicky can't be caught like this, she's inside for using drugs. They're going to think she snuck something in, or that someone smuggled it in for her" Piper and River stared at one another, a silent understanding was reached, no one could know about the contraband. They'd need to keep Nicky hidden from the guards until the effects of the hallucinogen wore off. A male voice cracked through the air like a whip. It startled the already on edge inmates.

"Did someone say smuggling?"

The not so merry band of prisoners looked up into the firm moustache clad expression of correctional officer George Mendez. Behind her, River could just about hear the barely audible groan of Alex Vause, _'Oh fuck'_


End file.
